Monday, September 21, 2009
A new direction
After ages of neglect, I'm restarting this blog (ok, so I tried to restart it with the last post, but then I dropped my computer. oops!). New focus: this blog is now going to cover my adventures in dog training - with my own pups, the greyhounds, and friends dogs. Later I'll have to post about my last agility trial with Anja. In the meantime, I have to go and teach discussion sections.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
lists
things i want to accomplish in this (academic) year:
- gather enough momentum to do the things i talk about doing, but never have the courage to accomplish
- find a new path (or get restarted on this one)
- be ready to move back to missouri (there is so much i love about austin)
- start working towards becoming either a dog trainer (how do i do this?) or a ttouch practitioner, or both
- finish my prospectus, pass my translation exam... basically get to the ABD stage
- not disappoint my advisor
- actually stick to one of these schedules i set for myself (that'd be a first, i think)
- kick my internet addiction
- exercise more, lose weight... standard stuff, really
- high maintenance people
- having to tiptoe around like i do right now
- having to plan so much of my day around someone else
- not being sure where i'll be in a year
- being away from paul, and home
- waiting
things i am thankful for:
- my paul
- my fuzzies (including my new little man, camus!)
- my patience (small as my store of it is, it is enough to get me through... generally)
- that i finally learned to chill out (remember when i used to stress about things? like, stupid things... and i'd get horrible back pain, or upset stomachs or whatever?)
- my next agility trial (this weekend!)
- paul's next visit
- starting over
Monday, November 24, 2008
kitty flower
a couple of weeks ago, i noticed that soren was licking his foot rather intensely. once i managed to pin him down and inspect it, i found a rather large wound on his back pad. this is what soren looked like a trip to the vet and many dollars later. he had to wear the collar for a week, and trust me, it is so fun to have a cat with an e-collar on. actually, the first few hours, when they're running into walls and doors because the collar is messing up with their senses, it is fun... but several days later, once they are used to it and feeling frisky and trying to jump on the counters (and falling down... dragging everything on the counter with them) just like normals times... not so fun. ridiculous cat.
i've been taking anja with me to school lately. i've found that it really helps keep me calm during discussion sections. the students start to bug me, i can just reach out and hug the pup. today i also used her to enliven dull sections. if the students got too blah, i asked anja to sit next to me in a chair (or let her climb onto the table and run around). it was amazing how well it worked.
Friday, May 23, 2008
twilight
after i posted last night i read through some of my old posts and i was amazed to see how often i've complained about grad school on this blog. granted, i haven't written that much since i came down to texas, but every time i do write, its to be unhappy about grad school. at any rate, next semester should be somewhat different. i'll have an advisor, i might even have a prospectus topic. its definitely a chance for me to turn over a new leaf, perhaps even get excited about what i'm doing.
right now, though, i'm not doing much of anything. today i played zelda instead of packing. even though i really ought to be packing. we sign a new lease on saturday, and have to be out of this apartment by the 8th of june. so it seems like a lot of time, but it's really not. i have to pack, i have to move, and then i'll have to clean up this place. i'm already fairly positive that we'll get charged for the carpet, so i need to make sure everything else is as clean as possible so i don't get charged even more. i am excited to move, though, and have a chance to rearrange all my stuff... and throw out all the junk i've accumulated over the past couple of years. once i get going, it'll be fun. but in the mean time... i stay up too late at night and i play too much zelda during the day.
tomorrow. i'll start working tomorrow.
right now, though, i'm not doing much of anything. today i played zelda instead of packing. even though i really ought to be packing. we sign a new lease on saturday, and have to be out of this apartment by the 8th of june. so it seems like a lot of time, but it's really not. i have to pack, i have to move, and then i'll have to clean up this place. i'm already fairly positive that we'll get charged for the carpet, so i need to make sure everything else is as clean as possible so i don't get charged even more. i am excited to move, though, and have a chance to rearrange all my stuff... and throw out all the junk i've accumulated over the past couple of years. once i get going, it'll be fun. but in the mean time... i stay up too late at night and i play too much zelda during the day.
tomorrow. i'll start working tomorrow.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
moonlight for my spread
remember when we all used to blog and blog often enough that we could keep up with each other's lives by reading blogs. yeah, that was pretty neat. i went through my springtime nostalgic phase a couple of weeks ago(and yes, it does seem to come every spring), and i have so many positive memories from this blog that i came very close to resolving to blog again. nothing came of it, of course. tonight i just happen to be a bit too awake.
just got back from a movie, went to see the new indiana jones with some grad school people. overall, i was rather disappointed. i don't really remember the older ones, it's been too long since i've watched them, but this one was gimmicky to the extreme. almost every scene had some ridiculous gimmick or incredibly contrived dialogue which i was probably just too tired to appreciate. oh well. so, overall, not the best start to my new resolution to be more social within the department, but a decent try, i suppose.
right now i am oddly tempted to stay up for at least a couple more hours. heaven knows why. but, it has been a good long while since i've had my last voluntary all nighter (or anything close to it). too bad i really don't have anything to do, except clean and pack. we'll be moving soon, and i'm not nearly ready. or, at least, i'm not as ready as i want to be. i guess i could play zelda all night... but the dogs are asleep, and maybe i ought to be as well.
i plan on writing more in here this summer. we'll see how it goes. i have no other plans for my time, but i tend to be the most idle when i have the fewest demands on my time, so we'll see how it goes. i am supposed to work on my german, keep up with my greek, and get through a rather intimidating reading list given to me by prof. M. i do plan to so at least some of it... i am still working on being a good grad student. that transformation is still no where near complete. and with the loss of so many more of my cohorts, i get discouraged daily. you know, for all that i complain about grad school (and since i've been at UT, i've complained a lot), i begin to doubt that i will ever leave. for one thing, what would i do? i've been in school so long now i don't think i'm suited for any sort of employment. on the other hand, i never really feel that i'm quite cut out for it, i don't have the same passionate interest in my field that my fellow students seem to. but still, i haven't left, and i get the feeling that one day, i'll wake up and have a phd and be quite surprised about it, really.
as leopold once told me, though, once you have tenure, then you are free, then you can do anything.
i plan to ride horses.
just got back from a movie, went to see the new indiana jones with some grad school people. overall, i was rather disappointed. i don't really remember the older ones, it's been too long since i've watched them, but this one was gimmicky to the extreme. almost every scene had some ridiculous gimmick or incredibly contrived dialogue which i was probably just too tired to appreciate. oh well. so, overall, not the best start to my new resolution to be more social within the department, but a decent try, i suppose.
right now i am oddly tempted to stay up for at least a couple more hours. heaven knows why. but, it has been a good long while since i've had my last voluntary all nighter (or anything close to it). too bad i really don't have anything to do, except clean and pack. we'll be moving soon, and i'm not nearly ready. or, at least, i'm not as ready as i want to be. i guess i could play zelda all night... but the dogs are asleep, and maybe i ought to be as well.
i plan on writing more in here this summer. we'll see how it goes. i have no other plans for my time, but i tend to be the most idle when i have the fewest demands on my time, so we'll see how it goes. i am supposed to work on my german, keep up with my greek, and get through a rather intimidating reading list given to me by prof. M. i do plan to so at least some of it... i am still working on being a good grad student. that transformation is still no where near complete. and with the loss of so many more of my cohorts, i get discouraged daily. you know, for all that i complain about grad school (and since i've been at UT, i've complained a lot), i begin to doubt that i will ever leave. for one thing, what would i do? i've been in school so long now i don't think i'm suited for any sort of employment. on the other hand, i never really feel that i'm quite cut out for it, i don't have the same passionate interest in my field that my fellow students seem to. but still, i haven't left, and i get the feeling that one day, i'll wake up and have a phd and be quite surprised about it, really.
as leopold once told me, though, once you have tenure, then you are free, then you can do anything.
i plan to ride horses.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
orange!
sitting here, wasting time, as usual. today, instead of doing a write up of my presentation that was almost two weeks ago now, i instead decided that i needed to buy a new bed set. granted, i do need a new bed set (and the sheets happen to be orange... but in an awesome way) but i probably didn't need to buy it today. i am an awesome grad student. my awesomeness as a grad student is probably only surpassed by my awesomeness as a TA. (you might ask why i'm in grad school... i do, too. all the time. there is no real answer.)
but, here's a good TA story. So, about a week ago now i handed back some exams. immediately after, i recieved the following email:
"i had a question about this last test we had. looking back at one of my answers that i had received no points on i realized that i had misunderstood the question and technically i had answered what i felt the question was asking for. the question was number 3 on part two. i believe it was about why descartes presented the god argument. i felt it was talking about the fact that since people are not perfect beings the idea that we can grasp what a perfect being meant that a greater being had placed that idea in us, talking about the innate nature of knowledge. after asking someone in the class for what the question was actually looking for i was informed that it was talking about how the presence of god introduced descartes view that there was in fact a material world, that it was not just a deceptive dream. and since both god and i exist and he is all powerful i can conclude that other things exist also. if i had understood what the question was looking for i would not have concluded so early. i simply didnt take the answer far enough and i believe that i should at least get some credit instead of none at all. i got 60 out of 70 on the first part which i talked about descartes and full credit for number 1 in part 2. it was clear that i did understand the information i just misunderstood what the question was asking for. please reconsider the strict grade you have given me. i am trying to get a b in the course and i really need this grade."
note that during the course of this email he has admitted not only that he misunderstood the question, but that he also came no where close to actually answering it. and yet, he still expects that this email will somehow convince me to award him points for something that he might have done. i wrote him back telling him that his request was completely unreasonable. since then other possible responses have been suggested to me. my favorite: "dear ________, In the possible world in which you did answer this question correctly, I would of course have awarded you full credit for that answer. Unfortunately, that possible world is not identical with this world. All the same, congratulations to your possible self."
i only wish i had thought of it sooner.
i am cruel.
but, here's a good TA story. So, about a week ago now i handed back some exams. immediately after, i recieved the following email:
"i had a question about this last test we had. looking back at one of my answers that i had received no points on i realized that i had misunderstood the question and technically i had answered what i felt the question was asking for. the question was number 3 on part two. i believe it was about why descartes presented the god argument. i felt it was talking about the fact that since people are not perfect beings the idea that we can grasp what a perfect being meant that a greater being had placed that idea in us, talking about the innate nature of knowledge. after asking someone in the class for what the question was actually looking for i was informed that it was talking about how the presence of god introduced descartes view that there was in fact a material world, that it was not just a deceptive dream. and since both god and i exist and he is all powerful i can conclude that other things exist also. if i had understood what the question was looking for i would not have concluded so early. i simply didnt take the answer far enough and i believe that i should at least get some credit instead of none at all. i got 60 out of 70 on the first part which i talked about descartes and full credit for number 1 in part 2. it was clear that i did understand the information i just misunderstood what the question was asking for. please reconsider the strict grade you have given me. i am trying to get a b in the course and i really need this grade."
note that during the course of this email he has admitted not only that he misunderstood the question, but that he also came no where close to actually answering it. and yet, he still expects that this email will somehow convince me to award him points for something that he might have done. i wrote him back telling him that his request was completely unreasonable. since then other possible responses have been suggested to me. my favorite: "dear ________, In the possible world in which you did answer this question correctly, I would of course have awarded you full credit for that answer. Unfortunately, that possible world is not identical with this world. All the same, congratulations to your possible self."
i only wish i had thought of it sooner.
i am cruel.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
i'm not dead yet...
OK, garrett has moved my link on his sidebar to the 'not quite dead' category, so i figure it MUST be time to update again.so, as i alluded to before, i have gotten a puppy. you can see her there in the picture, obviously. her name is anja, and she's pretty awesome... except when she finds a bone and i try to take it away from her, at which point she turns into possessed devil dog. but we're working on that. having an apartment dog has also kinda forced me to become a morning person, which is truly odd, since i've always hated mornings. but these days, i'm normally up at 7:30 or 8:00. if she lets me sleep in, its only until 9:00 or 9:30. i think that might be part of why blogging has cooled down... i go to bed by midnight these days, so no being up and bored at odd hours.
the semester is almost half over now. and i think this semester is much better than last semester. true, i am in logic, which is one of the most horrid classes ever. but, my other two are both more in my area and with much nicer profs, so its ok. its amazing (and i guess, sort of lucky) how polite the ancient philosophy profs are... esp. when compared to the rest of the department where it seems almost required that you walk around with a giant, puffed up head and are rude to every person you see. and yet, i continue doing this.... why? comes up a lot these days.
i'm actually skipping logic today, which will be nice. whenever i leave logic, i feel hungover. every time. and i have to come home and take a nap to recover. so today, instead, i'm going to stay home, tkake my dog for a walk, and have lunch. much more pleasant.
Friday, January 19, 2007
catching up
i guess it's been a little while since i posted. yet, as usual, not that much has really happend. went home for christmas break, christmas-ed, started work on (and eventually even finished) my paper for philofmind, solved a rubik's cube, drove back to texas, and now i'm here. classes have started. had logic this morning, and then plato tonight. logic was logic. but plato was awesome! for reals. i even had to hold myself back from talking. and if you know me and class, well, you know that that never happens.
oh yeah, and i'm getting a puppy.
oh yeah, and i'm getting a puppy.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
in review...
go to your calendar, find the first entry for each month of 2006, and post the first sentence of it in your journal...enjoy
january: i do have a story that needs telling right now, but unfortunately i require pictures in order to properly tell this story.
february: sitting here. staying awake. even though i have no reason to.
march: today is the sunday of my spring break. which means school starts again tomorrow. =(
april: but i'm not doing a real post yet... i do have tons to update y'all on.... but we'll get there eventually.
may: I remember my last day at notre dame, after graduation, sitting in the window sill of 707 PE, looking out at the volleyball court and the quad and thinking about how sad i was to go and how much i'd miss ND.
june: so, i'm sitting in austin now, on some steps in amelie's apartment complex (using *borrowed* internet of course).
july: well, i haven't been blogging this summer because i've been spending a ton of time outside riding horses
august: so, summer's almost over.
september: as ridiculous and over-the-top as he always was, i really loved the crocodile hunter, and am genuinely sad that he's gone.
october: there is one big difference between the department at texas and the department at western.
november: i guess its time to blog again.
december: ok, quick explanation of the last post.
hmmm... a lot of these are either kind of boring (dec, april, august) or just sound kinda sad. but i guess thats kinda been a theme this semester, so no surprise there. we'll just have to see what i can come up with next year.
january: i do have a story that needs telling right now, but unfortunately i require pictures in order to properly tell this story.
february: sitting here. staying awake. even though i have no reason to.
march: today is the sunday of my spring break. which means school starts again tomorrow. =(
april: but i'm not doing a real post yet... i do have tons to update y'all on.... but we'll get there eventually.
may: I remember my last day at notre dame, after graduation, sitting in the window sill of 707 PE, looking out at the volleyball court and the quad and thinking about how sad i was to go and how much i'd miss ND.
june: so, i'm sitting in austin now, on some steps in amelie's apartment complex (using *borrowed* internet of course).
july: well, i haven't been blogging this summer because i've been spending a ton of time outside riding horses
august: so, summer's almost over.
september: as ridiculous and over-the-top as he always was, i really loved the crocodile hunter, and am genuinely sad that he's gone.
october: there is one big difference between the department at texas and the department at western.
november: i guess its time to blog again.
december: ok, quick explanation of the last post.
hmmm... a lot of these are either kind of boring (dec, april, august) or just sound kinda sad. but i guess thats kinda been a theme this semester, so no surprise there. we'll just have to see what i can come up with next year.
Friday, December 08, 2006
planet
| You Should Rule Saturn |
 Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye. You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature. And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone must delve beyond your appearance. You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life. You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past. |
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
cold!
ok, quick explanation of the last post. well, you all know how much i love puppies, and i've been going to see the greyhounds a lot lately. it helps me get through the end of the semester. especially as i start getting nervous about not having paper topics for some of my classes (eek!). so anyway, the black and white hound is domino. the brindle is nina. domino is the one i want to adopt, but you know she's got the whole foot thing (they say she has tight tendons, i really don't know what that means, but they said its very manageable with supplements and maybe accupuncture) and apparently she's recently been maybe a bit too keen about cats. so, we'll see. nina is actually the one i thought i'd end up with, but i met a family this weekend that might take her. hmmm. i really oughtn't to be getting this attached before break anyway. bad move danielle. what if there's complete turnaround in the month you are gone? silly me. i never learn.
lately i've been missing michigan/the north a lot. it's gotten so bad that last week when the cold finally hit (we had one day with a high of only 35!) i was so happy that i was practically skipping down the halls at school. i think that day i used at least three scarf/glove combos. and the cold weather is helping me get into paper writing mode, which is good. i can't write fall semester papers if it's warm outside. i can write spring semester papers in the warm, but not fall. so if i was in school somewhere really warm, i guess i'd fail out in my first semester. oops.
i need a haircut. but i kinda want to grow my hair out long enough so that i could do it up pride&prejudice style (even though i'm pretty sure i'd look ridiculous) so it's going to just have to keep growing, and maybe make do with a little trim.
i prolly should go now... do something mildly productive. argh.
lately i've been missing michigan/the north a lot. it's gotten so bad that last week when the cold finally hit (we had one day with a high of only 35!) i was so happy that i was practically skipping down the halls at school. i think that day i used at least three scarf/glove combos. and the cold weather is helping me get into paper writing mode, which is good. i can't write fall semester papers if it's warm outside. i can write spring semester papers in the warm, but not fall. so if i was in school somewhere really warm, i guess i'd fail out in my first semester. oops.
i need a haircut. but i kinda want to grow my hair out long enough so that i could do it up pride&prejudice style (even though i'm pretty sure i'd look ridiculous) so it's going to just have to keep growing, and maybe make do with a little trim.
i prolly should go now... do something mildly productive. argh.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
i will not...
... allow myself to self destruct this semester. no matter how bad my classes get and how hopeless the papers seem, i will not fall into the kinda of cycle that epistemology threw me into. i can do this (we all know i can) and i will finish my papers and i will survive this semester.
of course, how much longer i'm willilng to stay in philo is another story. but i will not let it destroy me again.
of course, how much longer i'm willilng to stay in philo is another story. but i will not let it destroy me again.
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
class? learning?
i'm in phil of mind right now. yep, i'm such a good grad student... paying attention and all that stuff. but seriously, i am so ready for this semester and this class to be over. i never thought i'd have a phil of mind class that i didn't love. but this one is so competitive and combative and hostile.... i'm surprised i can even breathe in this room.
i got my grade for my paper today. i'm not sure entirely what the grade means, but i think (based on the scale that was used last year) that i did ok. and ok is all that i really want in this class. i'm not going for awesome and have no real thoughts of getting an A. i just need to get through it. and i think i will.
in a bit of good news (about damn time) i think i might have found a dog to adopt this weekend. her name is domino and i met her at a meet and greet for a local greyhound rescue group. her story is a sad one. apparently, she was abandoned in an apartment by some people who ran out on their lease. no one in the complex/management even knew she existed. they found her when they started to clear out the apartment and get it ready for its next occupants. she also has some kind of issue going on with her front legs. she kinda walks on her tippy-toes and her legs shake a bit when she's getting up. but apparently she's gotten better in the couple of weeks she's been with greyhound rescue. so, i'm hoping that its not a big deal (perhaps a mixture of lack of exercise and poor nutrition?). and assuming that she's not in horrible shape (that i couldn't afford to care for) i'm totally going to adopt her. she's clearly been through a lot, but she's still such a happy girl. she 'roos' at you until you pet her, then as soon as you touch her she's wiggling and dancing and smiling and leaning into the scratch. way too cute. i love her. i might be able to see her again this weekend. if so, i'll take a picture and post it.
ok, compy is starting to run low on batteries. time to find new ways to procrastinate.
i got my grade for my paper today. i'm not sure entirely what the grade means, but i think (based on the scale that was used last year) that i did ok. and ok is all that i really want in this class. i'm not going for awesome and have no real thoughts of getting an A. i just need to get through it. and i think i will.
in a bit of good news (about damn time) i think i might have found a dog to adopt this weekend. her name is domino and i met her at a meet and greet for a local greyhound rescue group. her story is a sad one. apparently, she was abandoned in an apartment by some people who ran out on their lease. no one in the complex/management even knew she existed. they found her when they started to clear out the apartment and get it ready for its next occupants. she also has some kind of issue going on with her front legs. she kinda walks on her tippy-toes and her legs shake a bit when she's getting up. but apparently she's gotten better in the couple of weeks she's been with greyhound rescue. so, i'm hoping that its not a big deal (perhaps a mixture of lack of exercise and poor nutrition?). and assuming that she's not in horrible shape (that i couldn't afford to care for) i'm totally going to adopt her. she's clearly been through a lot, but she's still such a happy girl. she 'roos' at you until you pet her, then as soon as you touch her she's wiggling and dancing and smiling and leaning into the scratch. way too cute. i love her. i might be able to see her again this weekend. if so, i'll take a picture and post it.
ok, compy is starting to run low on batteries. time to find new ways to procrastinate.
Sunday, November 05, 2006
ragamuffin
Kiwi cat
June 2006-November 2006
definitely one of the most beautiful and loving girls i've had the pleasure of living with. there is a big hole in the apartment now where she should be.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
starting over
i guess its time to blog again. for those of you who haven't talked to me recently, let me catch you up on the new ways that life has sucked in the past two weeks....
so, the next day after legend passed (monday) i woke up, obviously not to go to class, and spent a good three hours on the futon wondering why it was that my tummy was hurting. yes, it took me that long to figure out that i was hungry. then, it was time to take kiwi to the vet, cuz she'd been having a fever. i was, obviously, hoping that it was just a fever and we'd get some meds and go home. oh no. turns out she has a deadly incurable virus. of course, what else would she have. as i'm writing this tonight, little baby doesn't have much time left, i think. in the last day or so, her breathing's gotten more labored and she's been sleeping a ton.
the day after that, i had to give a presentation in my philo of mind class. if i havent mentioned it before,. this class is more or less synonymous with hell. its the most competitive, combative class i've ever seen, and like nothing i anticipated. so, of course, the presentation was horrid... really, i shouldn't have even done it, i was definitely not in the proper state of mind to prepare or to deal with that class.
but then i had to grade and prepare to head out to cali for a wedding. it has never been harder for me to get excited about a wedding in my life. which was horrible, because it was only my best friend getting married, you know, no big deal.... and of course, just when i was starting to get into things, i got an email from one of the profs from philo of mind reminding me just how bad my presentation did go, and then i would call home and talk to dude and paul, and they'd tell me how not differently kiwi was doing. yeah.
by the time we got to the wedding itself, things were looking up. after all, all the coolest people were there. so we had a lot of fun, and everything went well. it was definitely a bittersweet moment though. i was, again, reminded of just how far away from EVERYONE i live, and how disconnected i am starting to get from all my people. returning to school since then has only made me feel it more. i feel so out of it here. i'm not interested in the same things as most people, and so we have nothing to talk about. because we can't talk about things other than philosophy, can we? no, no.... that would be awful. and any desire to do that just shows that you're not serious enough about philosophy and probably shouldn't be here anyway... ugh. i ask myself what i'm doing so many times a week, if not a day.
last night was halloween. i dressed up as batgirl. that was awesome. but, of course, given my current state of mind, going to this party reminded me of last years party and how awesome that was.... i miss my michigan people. i miss having people. by now, i'm well aware that it takes me a good semester-ish to settle into a new place. but i am seriously ready to be done with this shit. today i was talking with one of the second years (one of two that at least seems human). he's not well liked by the other second years. one of the main theories being that its because he's christian and they just can't deal with that. so now i'm waiting for them to find out i'm catholic. on top of not being interested in philosophy of language... oh man, it might be the death of me.
last night, i was up till 4:30 grading. tonight, i passed out for four or five hours on the futon. and the next couple of nights/days will be spent writing my paper for philo of mind. hopefully, that works out ok. they've certainly put enough time into scaring us about it. i don't think writing this paper is going to be as bad as writing the epistemology paper from a couple years back (for starters, its philo of mind, so i actually have some intutions and even a few principled things to say), but the stress level is going to be close.
so, the next day after legend passed (monday) i woke up, obviously not to go to class, and spent a good three hours on the futon wondering why it was that my tummy was hurting. yes, it took me that long to figure out that i was hungry. then, it was time to take kiwi to the vet, cuz she'd been having a fever. i was, obviously, hoping that it was just a fever and we'd get some meds and go home. oh no. turns out she has a deadly incurable virus. of course, what else would she have. as i'm writing this tonight, little baby doesn't have much time left, i think. in the last day or so, her breathing's gotten more labored and she's been sleeping a ton.
the day after that, i had to give a presentation in my philo of mind class. if i havent mentioned it before,. this class is more or less synonymous with hell. its the most competitive, combative class i've ever seen, and like nothing i anticipated. so, of course, the presentation was horrid... really, i shouldn't have even done it, i was definitely not in the proper state of mind to prepare or to deal with that class.
but then i had to grade and prepare to head out to cali for a wedding. it has never been harder for me to get excited about a wedding in my life. which was horrible, because it was only my best friend getting married, you know, no big deal.... and of course, just when i was starting to get into things, i got an email from one of the profs from philo of mind reminding me just how bad my presentation did go, and then i would call home and talk to dude and paul, and they'd tell me how not differently kiwi was doing. yeah.
by the time we got to the wedding itself, things were looking up. after all, all the coolest people were there. so we had a lot of fun, and everything went well. it was definitely a bittersweet moment though. i was, again, reminded of just how far away from EVERYONE i live, and how disconnected i am starting to get from all my people. returning to school since then has only made me feel it more. i feel so out of it here. i'm not interested in the same things as most people, and so we have nothing to talk about. because we can't talk about things other than philosophy, can we? no, no.... that would be awful. and any desire to do that just shows that you're not serious enough about philosophy and probably shouldn't be here anyway... ugh. i ask myself what i'm doing so many times a week, if not a day.
last night was halloween. i dressed up as batgirl. that was awesome. but, of course, given my current state of mind, going to this party reminded me of last years party and how awesome that was.... i miss my michigan people. i miss having people. by now, i'm well aware that it takes me a good semester-ish to settle into a new place. but i am seriously ready to be done with this shit. today i was talking with one of the second years (one of two that at least seems human). he's not well liked by the other second years. one of the main theories being that its because he's christian and they just can't deal with that. so now i'm waiting for them to find out i'm catholic. on top of not being interested in philosophy of language... oh man, it might be the death of me.
last night, i was up till 4:30 grading. tonight, i passed out for four or five hours on the futon. and the next couple of nights/days will be spent writing my paper for philo of mind. hopefully, that works out ok. they've certainly put enough time into scaring us about it. i don't think writing this paper is going to be as bad as writing the epistemology paper from a couple years back (for starters, its philo of mind, so i actually have some intutions and even a few principled things to say), but the stress level is going to be close.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
my Legend
Legend
November 1994 - October 2006
i am still reeling in shock, with no idea when i will recover. but i miss him more than i can possibly express. Legend was the perfect dog and the best of friends. i love him.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
horseys!!!
so this morning was my first morning at my new therapeutic horsebackriding barn. way fun. it so different from reins of life. so much more laid back and kinda random. but i liked it. it felt like a real barn (real here meaning the barns all my neighbors have where we just grab a horse, tack up, and go as opposed to barns where there are lessons and things). i still smell like horse now. yay! (don't worry, i will shower soon.) i feel so much happier after spending some time with some horses. and yes, they are that essential to my happiness. they calm me down. a lot. and there might be room for me to exercise them. there certainly are some tubbily horses out there. and i'm sure there are some decent trails in those woods. (oh my gosh the woods and hills out by this barn! you have no idea how much i'd love to ride through them!!)
in other news, as i'm getting to know more people in the dept, i've been hearing a lot more stories about current and former residents of the dept. it definitely is an interesting place, filled with many socially challenged weirdos. my favorite story thus far... well, i certainly oughn't to type it out, but let's just say that tim's account of the importance of grad. logic and it's ability to win spouses is very far from accurate. =)
in other news, as i'm getting to know more people in the dept, i've been hearing a lot more stories about current and former residents of the dept. it definitely is an interesting place, filled with many socially challenged weirdos. my favorite story thus far... well, i certainly oughn't to type it out, but let's just say that tim's account of the importance of grad. logic and it's ability to win spouses is very far from accurate. =)
Friday, October 06, 2006
soundtrack
if you know me, you probably know how many theme songs i have had. somehow, i doubt this will get them right, but we'll see.
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
7. (I totally added this one on my own) Add senseless commentary to each song
Opening Credits: You Say - Vertical Horizon
Waking Up: MFC - Pearl Jam (i guess i could wake up to this... but i think my apartment would have to be a whole lot more rockstar than it is right now)
First Day At School: The Nearness of You - Norah Jones (i don't think this really makes sense...)
Falling In Love: A Wedding Interrupted - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Soundtrack (this is very intense... sounds like i'll be getting ready to do battle or maybe just running away)
Fight Song: Untitled - Better than Ezra (this one really makes no sense, unless i'm fighting in slow motion and its one of incongrous scenes like you see on walker texas ranger)
Breaking Up: I Took Your Name - REM (i think this one works... so long as its a triumphant break-up)
Prom: Eleanor Rigby - Beatles (seems like kind of a sad song for prom, but highschoolers would prolly dance to it anyway, right?)
Life's OK: Cast No Shadow - Oasis (yeah, sure)
Mental Breakdown: Smashing Young Man - Collective Soul
Driving: Fred Jones Part 2 - Ben Folds (i don't think i've ever even heard this song before, but it would only really work for driving if my life is one of those movies that don't really have a plot and don't really end in a satisfying way...)
Flashback: She Don't Use Jelly - Ben Folds Five (flashback to what?? and ugh, this is a bad cover of this song)
Getting Back Together: Uncle John's Band - Grateful Dead (this could maybe work... but the setting would have to be back home... or somewhere equally countrified)
Wedding: Narcolepsy - Ben Folds (hmmm... i'd rather not be asleep....but the piano parts are kinda pretty.... and i don't actually like Bed Folds that much.... i just have a lot of it on my compy)
Birth of Child: Dancing Days - Led Zeppelin (interesting choice....)
Final Battle: Easy Wind - Grateful Dead (what, exactly, could i battle with this song playing??)
Death Scene: Drive - Blind Melon (hey, its kinda mournful...)
Funeral Song: What Am I To You - Norah Jones (might make sense...)
End Credits: binky the doormat - REM (if its my movie, there has to be some REM)
IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
7. (I totally added this one on my own) Add senseless commentary to each song
Opening Credits: You Say - Vertical Horizon
Waking Up: MFC - Pearl Jam (i guess i could wake up to this... but i think my apartment would have to be a whole lot more rockstar than it is right now)
First Day At School: The Nearness of You - Norah Jones (i don't think this really makes sense...)
Falling In Love: A Wedding Interrupted - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Soundtrack (this is very intense... sounds like i'll be getting ready to do battle or maybe just running away)
Fight Song: Untitled - Better than Ezra (this one really makes no sense, unless i'm fighting in slow motion and its one of incongrous scenes like you see on walker texas ranger)
Breaking Up: I Took Your Name - REM (i think this one works... so long as its a triumphant break-up)
Prom: Eleanor Rigby - Beatles (seems like kind of a sad song for prom, but highschoolers would prolly dance to it anyway, right?)
Life's OK: Cast No Shadow - Oasis (yeah, sure)
Mental Breakdown: Smashing Young Man - Collective Soul
Driving: Fred Jones Part 2 - Ben Folds (i don't think i've ever even heard this song before, but it would only really work for driving if my life is one of those movies that don't really have a plot and don't really end in a satisfying way...)
Flashback: She Don't Use Jelly - Ben Folds Five (flashback to what?? and ugh, this is a bad cover of this song)
Getting Back Together: Uncle John's Band - Grateful Dead (this could maybe work... but the setting would have to be back home... or somewhere equally countrified)
Wedding: Narcolepsy - Ben Folds (hmmm... i'd rather not be asleep....but the piano parts are kinda pretty.... and i don't actually like Bed Folds that much.... i just have a lot of it on my compy)
Birth of Child: Dancing Days - Led Zeppelin (interesting choice....)
Final Battle: Easy Wind - Grateful Dead (what, exactly, could i battle with this song playing??)
Death Scene: Drive - Blind Melon (hey, its kinda mournful...)
Funeral Song: What Am I To You - Norah Jones (might make sense...)
End Credits: binky the doormat - REM (if its my movie, there has to be some REM)
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
change
there is one big difference between the department at texas and the department at western. people here do take me (and all the other girls) seriously. and that is the default position. not the exception, or something that comes up after i have somehow 'proven' myself. its very refreshing. and definitely helps me be a better student. i don't have the pressure anymore of wondering what i have to do, so i can just go out there and do my thing. oddly enough, i find i'm much less worried now about asking the dumb question in class or admitting my ignorance. (not that i'm saying much in class, thats just not my way... but you know...)
the department party was last night. there was lots of drunkenness, a few funny moments, and just as many awkward moments. maybe i need to start hanging out in the department more. that would probably help. but i have yet to really connect with anyone here, which makes it hard. don't you love vicious circles? the point of the story is i wish it took me less time to adjust. i need to figure things out now, not in three months. and i need to figure out how to break in and grab me some real friends.
the department party was last night. there was lots of drunkenness, a few funny moments, and just as many awkward moments. maybe i need to start hanging out in the department more. that would probably help. but i have yet to really connect with anyone here, which makes it hard. don't you love vicious circles? the point of the story is i wish it took me less time to adjust. i need to figure things out now, not in three months. and i need to figure out how to break in and grab me some real friends.
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