in review...

go to your calendar, find the first entry for each month of 2006, and post the first sentence of it in your journal...enjoy

january: i do have a story that needs telling right now, but unfortunately i require pictures in order to properly tell this story.
february: sitting here. staying awake. even though i have no reason to.
march: today is the sunday of my spring break. which means school starts again tomorrow. =(
april: but i'm not doing a real post yet... i do have tons to update y'all on.... but we'll get there eventually.
may: I remember my last day at notre dame, after graduation, sitting in the window sill of 707 PE, looking out at the volleyball court and the quad and thinking about how sad i was to go and how much i'd miss ND.
june: so, i'm sitting in austin now, on some steps in amelie's apartment complex (using *borrowed* internet of course).
july: well, i haven't been blogging this summer because i've been spending a ton of time outside riding horses
august: so, summer's almost over.
september: as ridiculous and over-the-top as he always was, i really loved the crocodile hunter, and am genuinely sad that he's gone.
october: there is one big difference between the department at texas and the department at western.
november: i guess its time to blog again.
december: ok, quick explanation of the last post.

hmmm... a lot of these are either kind of boring (dec, april, august) or just sound kinda sad. but i guess thats kinda been a theme this semester, so no surprise there. we'll just have to see what i can come up with next year.

planet

You Should Rule Saturn

Saturn is a mysterious planet that can rarely be seen with the naked eye. You are perfect to rule Saturn because like its rings, you don't always follow the rules of nature. And like Saturn, to really be able to understand you, someone must delve beyond your appearance. You are not an easy person to befriend. However, once you enter a friendship, you'll be a friend for life. You think slowly but deeply. You only gain great understanding after a situation has past.

What Planet Should You Rule?

cold!

ok, quick explanation of the last post. well, you all know how much i love puppies, and i've been going to see the greyhounds a lot lately. it helps me get through the end of the semester. especially as i start getting nervous about not having paper topics for some of my classes (eek!). so anyway, the black and white hound is domino. the brindle is nina. domino is the one i want to adopt, but you know she's got the whole foot thing (they say she has tight tendons, i really don't know what that means, but they said its very manageable with supplements and maybe accupuncture) and apparently she's recently been maybe a bit too keen about cats. so, we'll see. nina is actually the one i thought i'd end up with, but i met a family this weekend that might take her. hmmm. i really oughtn't to be getting this attached before break anyway. bad move danielle. what if there's complete turnaround in the month you are gone? silly me. i never learn.

lately i've been missing michigan/the north a lot. it's gotten so bad that last week when the cold finally hit (we had one day with a high of only 35!) i was so happy that i was practically skipping down the halls at school. i think that day i used at least three scarf/glove combos. and the cold weather is helping me get into paper writing mode, which is good. i can't write fall semester papers if it's warm outside. i can write spring semester papers in the warm, but not fall. so if i was in school somewhere really warm, i guess i'd fail out in my first semester. oops.

i need a haircut. but i kinda want to grow my hair out long enough so that i could do it up pride&prejudice style (even though i'm pretty sure i'd look ridiculous) so it's going to just have to keep growing, and maybe make do with a little trim.

i prolly should go now... do something mildly productive. argh.

greyhounds

i will not...

... allow myself to self destruct this semester. no matter how bad my classes get and how hopeless the papers seem, i will not fall into the kinda of cycle that epistemology threw me into. i can do this (we all know i can) and i will finish my papers and i will survive this semester.

of course, how much longer i'm willilng to stay in philo is another story. but i will not let it destroy me again.

class? learning?

i'm in phil of mind right now. yep, i'm such a good grad student... paying attention and all that stuff. but seriously, i am so ready for this semester and this class to be over. i never thought i'd have a phil of mind class that i didn't love. but this one is so competitive and combative and hostile.... i'm surprised i can even breathe in this room.

i got my grade for my paper today. i'm not sure entirely what the grade means, but i think (based on the scale that was used last year) that i did ok. and ok is all that i really want in this class. i'm not going for awesome and have no real thoughts of getting an A. i just need to get through it. and i think i will.

in a bit of good news (about damn time) i think i might have found a dog to adopt this weekend. her name is domino and i met her at a meet and greet for a local greyhound rescue group. her story is a sad one. apparently, she was abandoned in an apartment by some people who ran out on their lease. no one in the complex/management even knew she existed. they found her when they started to clear out the apartment and get it ready for its next occupants. she also has some kind of issue going on with her front legs. she kinda walks on her tippy-toes and her legs shake a bit when she's getting up. but apparently she's gotten better in the couple of weeks she's been with greyhound rescue. so, i'm hoping that its not a big deal (perhaps a mixture of lack of exercise and poor nutrition?). and assuming that she's not in horrible shape (that i couldn't afford to care for) i'm totally going to adopt her. she's clearly been through a lot, but she's still such a happy girl. she 'roos' at you until you pet her, then as soon as you touch her she's wiggling and dancing and smiling and leaning into the scratch. way too cute. i love her. i might be able to see her again this weekend. if so, i'll take a picture and post it.

ok, compy is starting to run low on batteries. time to find new ways to procrastinate.

ragamuffin

Kiwi cat
June 2006-November 2006

definitely one of the most beautiful and loving girls i've had the pleasure of living with. there is a big hole in the apartment now where she should be.

starting over

i guess its time to blog again. for those of you who haven't talked to me recently, let me catch you up on the new ways that life has sucked in the past two weeks....

so, the next day after legend passed (monday) i woke up, obviously not to go to class, and spent a good three hours on the futon wondering why it was that my tummy was hurting. yes, it took me that long to figure out that i was hungry. then, it was time to take kiwi to the vet, cuz she'd been having a fever. i was, obviously, hoping that it was just a fever and we'd get some meds and go home. oh no. turns out she has a deadly incurable virus. of course, what else would she have. as i'm writing this tonight, little baby doesn't have much time left, i think. in the last day or so, her breathing's gotten more labored and she's been sleeping a ton.

the day after that, i had to give a presentation in my philo of mind class. if i havent mentioned it before,. this class is more or less synonymous with hell. its the most competitive, combative class i've ever seen, and like nothing i anticipated. so, of course, the presentation was horrid... really, i shouldn't have even done it, i was definitely not in the proper state of mind to prepare or to deal with that class.

but then i had to grade and prepare to head out to cali for a wedding. it has never been harder for me to get excited about a wedding in my life. which was horrible, because it was only my best friend getting married, you know, no big deal.... and of course, just when i was starting to get into things, i got an email from one of the profs from philo of mind reminding me just how bad my presentation did go, and then i would call home and talk to dude and paul, and they'd tell me how not differently kiwi was doing. yeah.

by the time we got to the wedding itself, things were looking up. after all, all the coolest people were there. so we had a lot of fun, and everything went well. it was definitely a bittersweet moment though. i was, again, reminded of just how far away from EVERYONE i live, and how disconnected i am starting to get from all my people. returning to school since then has only made me feel it more. i feel so out of it here. i'm not interested in the same things as most people, and so we have nothing to talk about. because we can't talk about things other than philosophy, can we? no, no.... that would be awful. and any desire to do that just shows that you're not serious enough about philosophy and probably shouldn't be here anyway... ugh. i ask myself what i'm doing so many times a week, if not a day.

last night was halloween. i dressed up as batgirl. that was awesome. but, of course, given my current state of mind, going to this party reminded me of last years party and how awesome that was.... i miss my michigan people. i miss having people. by now, i'm well aware that it takes me a good semester-ish to settle into a new place. but i am seriously ready to be done with this shit. today i was talking with one of the second years (one of two that at least seems human). he's not well liked by the other second years. one of the main theories being that its because he's christian and they just can't deal with that. so now i'm waiting for them to find out i'm catholic. on top of not being interested in philosophy of language... oh man, it might be the death of me.

last night, i was up till 4:30 grading. tonight, i passed out for four or five hours on the futon. and the next couple of nights/days will be spent writing my paper for philo of mind. hopefully, that works out ok. they've certainly put enough time into scaring us about it. i don't think writing this paper is going to be as bad as writing the epistemology paper from a couple years back (for starters, its philo of mind, so i actually have some intutions and even a few principled things to say), but the stress level is going to be close.

my Legend

Legend
November 1994 - October 2006

i am still reeling in shock, with no idea when i will recover. but i miss him more than i can possibly express. Legend was the perfect dog and the best of friends. i love him.

horseys!!!

so this morning was my first morning at my new therapeutic horsebackriding barn. way fun. it so different from reins of life. so much more laid back and kinda random. but i liked it. it felt like a real barn (real here meaning the barns all my neighbors have where we just grab a horse, tack up, and go as opposed to barns where there are lessons and things). i still smell like horse now. yay! (don't worry, i will shower soon.) i feel so much happier after spending some time with some horses. and yes, they are that essential to my happiness. they calm me down. a lot. and there might be room for me to exercise them. there certainly are some tubbily horses out there. and i'm sure there are some decent trails in those woods. (oh my gosh the woods and hills out by this barn! you have no idea how much i'd love to ride through them!!)

in other news, as i'm getting to know more people in the dept, i've been hearing a lot more stories about current and former residents of the dept. it definitely is an interesting place, filled with many socially challenged weirdos. my favorite story thus far... well, i certainly oughn't to type it out, but let's just say that tim's account of the importance of grad. logic and it's ability to win spouses is very far from accurate. =)

soundtrack

if you know me, you probably know how many theme songs i have had. somehow, i doubt this will get them right, but we'll see.

IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...
7. (I totally added this one on my own) Add senseless commentary to each song

Opening Credits: You Say - Vertical Horizon

Waking Up: MFC - Pearl Jam (i guess i could wake up to this... but i think my apartment would have to be a whole lot more rockstar than it is right now)

First Day At School: The Nearness of You - Norah Jones (i don't think this really makes sense...)

Falling In Love: A Wedding Interrupted - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Soundtrack (this is very intense... sounds like i'll be getting ready to do battle or maybe just running away)

Fight Song: Untitled - Better than Ezra (this one really makes no sense, unless i'm fighting in slow motion and its one of incongrous scenes like you see on walker texas ranger)

Breaking Up: I Took Your Name - REM (i think this one works... so long as its a triumphant break-up)

Prom: Eleanor Rigby - Beatles (seems like kind of a sad song for prom, but highschoolers would prolly dance to it anyway, right?)

Life's OK: Cast No Shadow - Oasis (yeah, sure)

Mental Breakdown: Smashing Young Man - Collective Soul

Driving: Fred Jones Part 2 - Ben Folds (i don't think i've ever even heard this song before, but it would only really work for driving if my life is one of those movies that don't really have a plot and don't really end in a satisfying way...)

Flashback: She Don't Use Jelly - Ben Folds Five (flashback to what?? and ugh, this is a bad cover of this song)

Getting Back Together: Uncle John's Band - Grateful Dead (this could maybe work... but the setting would have to be back home... or somewhere equally countrified)

Wedding: Narcolepsy - Ben Folds (hmmm... i'd rather not be asleep....but the piano parts are kinda pretty.... and i don't actually like Bed Folds that much.... i just have a lot of it on my compy)

Birth of Child: Dancing Days - Led Zeppelin (interesting choice....)

Final Battle: Easy Wind - Grateful Dead (what, exactly, could i battle with this song playing??)

Death Scene: Drive - Blind Melon (hey, its kinda mournful...)

Funeral Song: What Am I To You - Norah Jones (might make sense...)

End Credits: binky the doormat - REM (if its my movie, there has to be some REM)

change

there is one big difference between the department at texas and the department at western. people here do take me (and all the other girls) seriously. and that is the default position. not the exception, or something that comes up after i have somehow 'proven' myself. its very refreshing. and definitely helps me be a better student. i don't have the pressure anymore of wondering what i have to do, so i can just go out there and do my thing. oddly enough, i find i'm much less worried now about asking the dumb question in class or admitting my ignorance. (not that i'm saying much in class, thats just not my way... but you know...)

the department party was last night. there was lots of drunkenness, a few funny moments, and just as many awkward moments. maybe i need to start hanging out in the department more. that would probably help. but i have yet to really connect with anyone here, which makes it hard. don't you love vicious circles? the point of the story is i wish it took me less time to adjust. i need to figure things out now, not in three months. and i need to figure out how to break in and grab me some real friends.

what am i to you?

i'm reaching a weird (or maybe uncomfortable is a better word) point in my adjustment to life in texas. there have been a few times these past couple of weeks that i've felt a strong sense of belonging here, in texas, in austin, at ut. but i've also been equally overwhelmed by my feelings of first year inadequacy and loneliness. i guess this probably comes as no surprise to those of you that know me. witness my first semester at ND, and my first semester at western. it takes me a while (apparently, about a semester) to settle into a new place. i'm really missing the life i left behind in k-zoo. maybe more so because i know it's no longer there to go back to. friends have all scattered around the country by now. but still, i miss the friends i left behind (even more so, i miss those who have left me behind). it's not as bad as it could be here. the folk are friendly, although more competitive than i anticipated, so there is hope at the end of the line, but just right now it seems far away. and dude and paul are here as well, and soren is trying his hardest right now to remind me that a kitty is better than any smelly old philosophers.

let's just say this isn't the easiet of times.

::if my sky should fall
would you even call?::

settling...

well, i think i've been here long enough that i can start to come out with some definite opinions on my classes and classmates. i think it's definitely a mixed bag.

aristotle (which, admittedly, has only met once) i think will be good. at least its a class with fellow ancient people, which is quite refreshing... it can feel lonely sometimes out in the analytic world. however, the prof. does talk so quickly as to be unintelligible quite a bit of the time.

phil. of mind promises to rock, i think. despite (or because of?) the sometimes quite harsh british commentary from one prof. we're reading some good stuff, it's going along at a nice pace. i think it'll be good.

and then there's the first year seminar. so far, absolute diasaster. the title of it is analyticity. so, it's all analytic-synthetic distinction garbage. (obviously, it doesn't help that i think a lot of philosophy of language is meaningless garbage.) so, most of the stuff we read is horrid. and the stuff that is close to being any good gets attacked by the most inane arguments i've ever heard, but because we're doing hard-core analytic philo, they get termed 'good.' and really, i don't have the energy to play the game. i've tried before (like in some of my classes at western) and i just don't have the energy to do it most of the time. consequently, after the last two classes i've found myself desperately in need of a beer (or two, in the case of last night). so, here's hoping i survive... and that i find a paper topic.

as far as the peoples go.... yeah, that too is a mixed bag. there are a few who are absolutely awesome, many that i'm neutral towards, and so far only one that annoys me to peices. not bad, actually, for a group of academics. after all, we do have our reputation of awkwardness to keep up.

crikey

as ridiculous and over-the-top as he always was, i really loved the crocodile hunter, and am genuinely sad that he's gone.

since i last posted, lots of stuff has happened. going backwards: i finally got a real bed! no more air mattress for me! i am sleeping off the floor again and loving every minute of it. now, if i could only restrain myself from online shopping for new comforters.... i don't need a new bedspread... i don't need a new bedspread....

school has started officially now. i've gone to the class i TA for twice. it's a philosophy of religion class, which is weird for me, cuz i've never really done any of that stuff. and it looks like i'm going to have an insane amount of grading to do. i'm just grading for another student, not a real prof... but apparently he goes insane with the homework. seriously, insane. i've only had one grad class thus far. it was my first year seminar (obviously, required for all first years). the title of it is 'analyticity,' which loosely translates into 'way more phil of language and epistemology than a danielle can reasonably handle without exploding.' the first class was funny though. mainly it consisted of the boys going "blah blah blah, phil. of language jargon terms, blah blah blah, this is so cool" and the girls staring at them and then saying things like "this doesn't make any sense" or "why does this matter" or "that's dumb and implausible." it should make for an interesting class. (and yes, we really did have that kind of gender split, and yes, the boys do seem to be those kind of annoying analytic philo geeks.)

kiwi has been having a whole set of issues all her own. she had tapeworm, those are gone now. but she had an upper respiratory infection, which led to a urinary tract infection (you know, they clean themselves), and she also had coccidia at the same time. so, right now she's on two different antibiotic drops and an antibiotic eye ointment. in case you've never tried it, take my word, there is nothing more fun than shoving drugs down a fiesty little kitty's throat three times a day. but, in seven to ten days, she should be free of all these little germies. until then, she's quarantined in joey's room. soren misses her, he spends a bit of every day mewing outside of the door, hoping she'll come out. and sometimes, she gears up and makes a break for it and paul and i have to go running all over to chase her down.

tomorrow, our own internet service will turn on. no more stealing from the neighbors. yay!

exhausted

first texas post! woot!

so, here i am, in the apartment. its been going pretty well so far, with a few minor hiccups. my mom was in town for about a week, and while that was really nice having her around to help us get settled in and get necessary items, it was also extremely tiring. the place is still a wreck. there are dismantled boxes everywhere and no matter how often i clean the kitchen it seems to get dirty just as fast. but, i've hung up everything that goes in the living room, and my christmas lights went up in my room today. so, things are moving along... never mind the air mattress on my floor (new reinflated tonight!).

i spent today running errands. the car needed an oil change (2nd time in as many weeks i've had to spend a morning at the saab dealer. yay.) and then i drove another new first year (this one's a canadian) down to san marcos so she could apply for a social security number. (the office in austin is just too insane to go to.) so yeah, 60 mile drive, and then she wanted to go to target. and i love target, and a brief excursion sounded nice, but after a six a.m. wakeup, i wasn't really prepared to be there for an hour and a half. by the time i got home, i managed to say hi to joey and paul and then just collapse on my bed. consequently, i missed the gathering of philo people tonight. but.... it was going to start out with a two hour logic review (we have to take a diagnostic test on logic, and everyone's freaking about it) so it prolly wasn't a bad thing to miss. there'll be a party on sunday anyways, so that ought to be better. i've noticed that right now everyone's in the 'i'm just starting a grad program so i better talk smart and impress people' mode. since i've already done the grad school thing once, i don't really feel the need, which let's me have some more natural conversations with the older students, but sometimes leaves me stalling with the younger ones. it's a weird dynamic. i'm sure it'll all ease up soon enough.

in other news, i've been getting skinny lately... its the crazy texas heat. i never get really hungry. except for water. i always want water. and i've been swimming (although paul maintains that i don't exercise, i only chill-ax in the pool.) so i'm getting a little bit tan. it's crazy.

right now, i'm fighting the urge to go and nail up my mirror and hang some more pictures. i don't want to be "that neighbor" that pounds on the walls in the middle of the night.... but my room is so ready for more pictures. sigh. guess i'll just sleep.

oh, and we got a new kitten. her name is kiwi, and soren and her are starting to become friends. i describe her as cute in a "scrappy, ragamuffin" kind of way. here's a picture of her so you can see.

school?

so, summer's almost over. i leave for austin on the 9th. just a bit over a week. its a weird feeling. this has been a good summer back home, maybe the first good summer at home i've had in six years. and, although ready to get out of my mom's house and into my own place, i'm really going to miss being out on the farm. i love living out where you (normally) can't hear what's happening in your neighbor's house. but i still know most of the people that live on this road, and can just walk into about half of the houses without even knocking. i will not miss the babysitting for my sister. or grandma's insane obsessions.

i'm starting to get a bit nervous about starting up at texas. it is, after all, a top ten program. while notre dame (as a grad. program) was of the same caliber, i never was a grad. student at notre dame, and i don't think even my 400 level classes count. so i've never been at this level of school before (and yes, i am kinda writing off western here... although i think i learned a lot there and it did me a lot of good, i think the profs were waaay too easy on us a lot of the time). so i dunno. hopefully the other students will be cool. the older ones seemed allright when i went to visit.

at least i know my apartment will be sweet. i got that much. =)

the fall

well, i haven't been blogging this summer because i've been spending a ton of time outside riding horses. one of my neighbors has a pair of foxtrotters that need to exercise and lose weight, so i got to come over and help. unfortunately, two major roadblocks have sprung up this week. first, on monday, baby-girl (the smaller of the two) went lame. however, this isn't horrible. there are other people to ride with. so i call up my neighbor ali to see if she want's to go for a ride on wednesday. of course, she does. so wednesday morning i go and grab george (the horse i've been riding... pics will come later) saddle up, and off we go. things are going great until we reach the midpoint of our ride. i see a deer... but george must have seen at least twenty, because he flipped out. and i fell down. hard. i think i fainted too, cuz i lost consciousness and an ambulance was called. apparently, once george realized i wasn't on his back anymore, he came trotting back to me and sniffed me, obviously wondering what had happened. i looked up at him (so i'm told) and started saying "i thought we were pals, george. i thought we were buddies." anyway, a cat scan, several x-rays, and a hip contusion later, i'm doing just fine... albeit a bit wobbly. i went to see george last night. he gave me a funny, aprehensive look at first... i think he thought i would be mad. but i gave him a hug and he started following me around the barnyard again. so, i think george and i are cool... but i don't know when i'll be able to get on him again. i am sore!

to top off the story, on wednesday night we lost power and it didn't come back until 3 pm yesterday. so we were out of power for 45 hours and had a generator hooked up and everything. it was crazy. joey and i felt kinda like pioneers, only without the dysentery.

lefty

like this would surprise anyone....

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

How Liberal Or Conservative Are You?

austin

so, i'm sitting in austin now, on some steps in amelie's apartment complex (using *borrowed* internet of course). i've been here since tuesday, doing some apartment hunting. (i did find a place, and its way nice... hopefully i'll have pictures up soon.) the past couple of days have been spent chilling out. doing some swimming, went to see a movie (an inconvenient truth -- i highly recommend it to anyone who cares about the world at all. there are a few too many 'yay, al gore' moments, but for those that can look past that, its very worthwhile.) the swimming has been really cool... there's a natural spring here called barton springs that has been made into a neato (and very cold) swimming place. anyway, i think its time to go now, figure out what to do tonight... just thought i should let y'all know that i'm still alive.

peppers

yes, i know i haven't blogged in forever. i just haven't had much to say. i've been helping dude finish his finals (that was a party and a half), sleeping, and watching tv. and seriously, that's about it. i think blogging is going to be pretty splotchy until school starts again in august (we have dial-up internet at home). but, i will write all about my trip to texas (once i take it) to find a living place. i leave in a couple weeks, and i think it'll be fun. i'll be there for almost a week. but the rest of my summer looks basically like this: wake up at 5, take the dog for a walk, work in the garden, sleep, repeat. if you're thinking "this sounds like slave labor!" you're basically right. mom has plans to use me as a gardening peasant all summer long. so this is what i'll be doing instead of getting a job for the summer. i better get to take a lot of the produce with me to austin... i'm not getting paid until october, and if i want to eat, well, it looks like i'll have to grow my own food....

boo

sitting here on the couch with blue. nice way to start the morning.

too bad i already woke up once (at 5) to drive depoe to the airport. that was sad. good thing i didn't cry. much.

seriously, what are you supposed to say when you say goodbye to someone and you know that you won't see them at all for months, and even then it won't be for very long and they're not going to be a daily part of your life anymore and you've really come to depend on them?

i have no idea. and i've had to do this twice. in one week.

as excited as i am about tejas, moving really sucks.

at least when i got back to kris's blue jumped on the bed with me and let me hug her for a long time.

turning in the keys...

so yesterday i finished with the old place. for real this time. everything is out of there now... i just have to go turn in the keys in a few minutes. i have to admit, it makes me sad. i almost cried yesterday when i locked it up for the last time. i really liked that place. and leaving it really means i'm done with kalamazoo. since basically everyone is gone, that's not as bad as it would have been a week or so ago. but i'll still miss this place. mainly because of the people, naturally. kalamazoo doesn't have a lot to reccommend it all by itself. all the same, its not a bad little town. i'm so glad i'll be in my next town for a whole five years. maybe six. it'll be nice to be settled finally. and everyone tells me austin is awesome. as dude said the other day, it sounds too good to be true... almost like heaven.

speaking of dude. here's a conversation i had with dude yesterday afternoon:

dude: i've decided something, and since it's about you, i thought i should let you know.
me: ok
dude: i've decided that you can never get married.
me: why?
dude: 'cause it would be weird. i was just thinking about it, and it weirded me out.
me: why?
dude: well, let's try a thought experiment. how about you imagine me being married.
me: i think that would be cute, dude.
dude: you're messing with the thought experiment. the correct answer is 'ew. no. that'd be weird. i'm weirded out.'
me: ok, dude. so you just want me to be alone? what about you?
dude: oh, i'm not getting married. i've already prohibited myself from that.
me; so you want us both to be single so we can live together and be happy?
dude: yes.

yep. that's my dude. silly brother.

change change change

I remember my last day at notre dame, after graduation, sitting in the window sill of 707 PE, looking out at the volleyball court and the quad and thinking about how sad i was to go and how much i'd miss ND. i'm pretty certain that i looked on that moment as an end; not just an end of undergrad, but an end of having good friends around all the time that i loved.

my first morning at western, august 2004, i got to orientation early. so early that all i had to do was sit around. sit around and look around and be sad. i called a few people (they were all asleep still) and left sad, pathetic voicemails. i was alone, at an ugly school, in a dinky town, all alone. it was horrible.

so now its two years later, and i think to say that i have changed is maybe an understatment. i have grown up a lot these couple of years. and not grown up in the bad way - the 'i fit in with 40 year old soccer moms' way. and i'm not really worried about grown up things like money or insurance. so far, i've had faith that those things will just come to me. and that faith has been reworded. i've been able to live just fine. true, sometimes i'm kinda scraping by, but those are the best times actually... certainly the most formative times. but there's something fun about it, too, in a weird way. with grad-school poverty comes an odd type of freedom. i think i've become more independent - even though joey and paul have been close this whole time, i've still had to make my own way here, shift for myself a lot, and make my own successes. i'm more adaptive, too. things roll off me in a way they didn't use to. and i think i handle stuff better. all in all, i think i just feel different. i'm more my own self, if that makes any sense. and i feel like i'm finally beginning to realize my freedom.

but aside from me-things... i've made better friends in k-zoo than i ever thought possible. when i got here, i envisioned two years of lonely time. but now, not only am i not lonely, but i really regret leaving y'all, as much as i ever regretted leaving my ND friends. i really do love you guys. but you know that. senior year, small erin made us all buy blank books so we could write notes to each other. basically, she wanted proof that she'd had meaningful relationships in college. i need no such proof now. i don't know that i really needed it then, either, but i definitely don't need it now.

and i know these next years will be exciting and all. after all, i will be in the promised land. and i'll find my peeps. maybe i'll even become a good philosopher (stranger things have happened). but i am sad to leave here. i haven't cried or anything yet. and this isn't really my farewell to k-zoo. even after i pack things up on friday, i'm going to still bum around for a bit. eventually, i'll say goodbye... or maybe just avoid it alltogether.

musical blogs!

here's another cool game to play that i stole from garrett.

oh, and after 3.5 drinks tonight, i'm totally tipsy.

Instructions:

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question, even if it doesn't make any sense.

1. How am I feeling today? Whole Lotta Love by Led Zepplin (this sounds about right)
2. Will I get far in life? I Wonder by Blind Melon (yes i do wonder... all the freakin' time... welcome to life as a grad student in a field that few people even recognize, much less find important or useful)
3. How do my friends see me? Find the River by REM (what would that even mean?)
4. Where will I get married? Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional (now this one is even more confusing)
5. What is my best friend? Passion by the Nixons (this one i can almost buy.... given my spontaneous nature... but we all know the real answer is puppies)
6. What is the story of my life? Myself by The Verve Pipe (ha)
7. What was high school like? Farewell and Goodnight by the Smashing Pumpkins (i think i agree)
8. How can I get ahead in life? Traumlicht as song by the ND Glee Club. (now, thats pretty funny. DreamLight, is what is translates to, whatever that means)
9. What is the best thing about me? The Impression that I Get by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones (this one i buy... i am good with first impressions)
10. What is today going to be like? Omaha by Counting Crows (so flat, boring, and in the middle of nowhere? i don't like the sound of that!)
11. What is in store for this weekend? 4am by Our Lady Peace (this sounds a bit more like it)
12. What song describes my parents? You May be Right by Billy Joel (may... but what does a may really mean....)
13. To describe my grandparents? Shameless by Billy Joel (this might work for grandma... but not for grandpa, at all)
14. How is my life going? I don't sleep, I dream by REM (yep)
15. What song will they play at my funeral? Your Body is Wonderland by John Mayer (i hope not, since i hate this song... how did it get on my playlist anyways?????)
16. How does the world see me? Impersonality by Goo Goo Dolls (impersonal??? boy, do i have them fooled....)
17. Will I have a happy life? The Sad Cafe by The Eagles (well, that doesn't sound very encouraging)
18. What do my friends really think of me? Up in the Sky by Oasis (well, i am flighty... and Carrie always used to call me a crackbird)
19. Do people secretly lust after me? All you Need is Love by The Beatles ( HA! I knew it. you all love me. and frankly, who can blame you??)
20. How can I make myself happy? Brain Stew by GreenDay (what? mix up my brains a bit more? isn't that what my next level of school is all about?)
21. What should I do with my life? Eight Days a Week by The Beatles (yeah, we all know i need to work more... but come on!)
22. Will I ever have children? Narcolempsy by Ben Folds Five (ummmmm..... yeah......)
23. What is some good advice for me? All in All by Toad the Wet Sprocket (and this means??)
24. How will I be remembered? more love by Victor Wooten (doesn't sound so bad)
25. What is my signature dancing song? Stairway to Heaven by Led Zepplin (haha)
26. What is my current theme song? Sleepyhouse by Blind Melon (suprisingly, despite the huge amounts of sleep lately, this is completely untrue)
27. What does everyone else think my current theme song is? Thirty-Three by Smashing Pumpkins (ha, sure they do)

ok, that's it for now. soren is insisting on snuggle and i'm tipsy, so typing time is over.

almost there...

just a quick post today so i can return to the blogosphere. i am still alive. and i am going to tejas next year, officially. notre dame spent some quality time last weekend toying with my heart, but in the end, they couldn't deliver and texas won out. right now, i have a paper that needs finishing. i just spent a goodly time procrastinating by washing my car (she looks so shiny and new again!), but now it's time to work. boo. one more paper for arthur, one for mike, and then my time at western is done. crazy. it doesn't seem like it's been that long since i got there (and was dismayed over the ugliness). but look at the prettiness of tejas. (that's the building i'll be in next year.)

tejas??

ok, so a week after i return from my travels, its prolly a good time to do a serious post and let you in on my thoughts about where i'm going to be next year. now, before i do that, let me outline for you just what happened during my trip. this will be my itinerary plus a bit of commentary.

tuesday: leave k-zoo on the afternoon train. get into chicago. taxi to beaker's place of employment. chill out. eat dinner at the grand lux cafe (super cool). go back to muppet mansion. answer about a thousand emails. sleep.
wednesday: wake up and get down to UIC, leaving plenty of time to get lost. fail to get lost, so spend lots of time in the grad student lounge introducing myself to random grad students. meet meinwald and have semi-awkward lunch. afterwards, i hang out in the dept a bit more and then proceed to michigan ave. with another prospect. we get lost. walk to navy pier. turn around. buy emergency flipflops for my ouched feet. eventually, i try on manolos. meet beaker, get pizza at chicagos, chill out, sleep.
thursday: go back to UIC. this time to attend some classes and have lunch with some grad students. meet with abe so he can talk some more trash. eventually head out so i can pack things, check out of muppet mansion, and head to evanston. take the purple line up, check into my hotel, find a noodley place to eat, watch tv, pass out. final thoughts on UIC - its nice. meinwald is decently cool, albeit somewhat awkward. the profs are cool and the atmosphere is nice.
friday: wake up, get ready, head downstairs to meet with a prof for breakfast. he's weird and jittery. keeps complaining that everyone is late. eventually, get to campus, meet profs and grad students, eat lunch, talk with profs some more. by the time this portion of the day is done, i've already decided northwestern is not for me... but i still have a day and a half left. kraut (the ancient philo guy) is nice, but too ethics-y. the rest of the dept. is too continental. but, they take us out to thai. that's cool. after, i go back to the hotel, everyone else goes out drinking. i sleep.
saturday: lunch with kraut and some grad students. after, we head into chicago. everyone else is going to a museum, i skip out to go to this cool cat shelter with kyle. seriously, over a hundred cats in one place. amazing. meet up with the group again at a profs place and then go to indian food after. by this time, i'm thoroughly sick of the other prospects. one, a loud self-important german prick, especially. on the way home (i was put in charge of getting everyone back to the hotel since i was deemed 'practically a native' by the grad students taking care of us), i suggest putting him on the yellow line to skokie. unfortunately, it doesn't run that late.
sunday: get up, check out of the hotel, get to the airport. wait forever for my flight. it's late. eat a cinnamon roll. buy some gum. forget about my ever-present, always-bad motion sickness and get on the plane. an hour and a half later, i wake up sick. actually sick. i have to get up and throw up and everything. i am unhappy. finally touch ground again (where people are supposed to stay), get to my hotel. find out its skeevy. order chinese, watch grey's anatomy.
monday: i am now in tejas. after all this time. walk to school. once again, introduce myself to random grad students. meet with a prof. eat lunch with some students. go to a reading group. go to dancy's class. dancy's cool. he comes over to introduce himself and invites me to dinner afterwards with everyone. we go to trudy's, a local tex-mex kinda place. dancy hangs around for a while and tells stories. buys me dinner. he leaves, the rest of us go to a coffeeshop bar place. sit outside! and talk about the program/philo/whatever for a couple hours.
tuesday: wake up, get ready, pack, drag my stuff to the dept. meet with an ancient guy. run into dancy again, spend some time talking in his office. he tells me more stories about how icky northwestern is. wander around. spend some time looking for the perfect texas tee-shirt. meet tye, go to his undergrad class. he's a bit odd. got a bowie-esque air. hard to describe. collect my stuff, get to the airport shuttle, wait for my flight. this time its on time and i remembered to buy dramamine. paul picks me up in chicago. we go home. sleep. important things i learned in texas - if you're cool enough, you can get your way in academia by threatening to resign; if you're not quite cool enough, its important to have cool friends that will do it for you; philosophers are always willing to talk smack about each other and about other departments.
wednesday: paul takes me to the train station in niles. johndepoe picks me up in k-zoo. go to arthur's class. kris brings me home. we eat lunch with dave. i get to drive again (yay). come home. sit on futon with pillows and comforter. sleep.

and that's it folks. i got tired just typing it all out again... much less living it. it was an exhausting week, but i think a lot of good came out of it. i think i'm gonna go to texas. they've got the best program. biggest too. and they've got great resources in ancient. unfortunately, no one there really does late plato metaphysics, which is what i want to do... but given the resources and the placement record (and the freaking coolness of austin) i don't think i can turn it down. UIC has meinwald, but she's only one... and i don't think i would get the kind of training there (in ancient) that i would really need. however, i'm on the waitlist at ND... and i've promised to sayre that i'll wait till friday to make a final decision. he wants to see if i'll get pulled off the waitlist. i doubt it. but i promised i'd wait. if all goes as i think it will, though, next year i will be a citizen in the republic of tejas.

quizzes!

i found the links to these quizzes on johnny-dee's site... all i have to say is that my results are way cooler than his.

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

i'm back!

but i'm not doing a real post yet... i do have tons to update y'all on.... but we'll get there eventually. one bit of news though, i've officially (as of yesterday) turned down northwestern. so at least that's out of the way.

now, a music game i stole from garrett... who stole it from someone else.

Favorite Artist name: R.E.M.
Choose a band or artist; and answer a bunch of questions using only titles of their songs.

1. Are you male or female? she just wants to be

2. Describe yourself: i dont sleep, i dream

3. How do some people feel about you: strange

4. How do you feel about yourself: i'll take the rain

5. Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend: suspicion

6. Describe your current significant other: the one i love

7. Describe where you want to be: high speed train

8. Describe how you live: at my most beautiful

9. Describe how you love: talk about the passion

10. What would you ask for if you had just one wish: make it all okay

11. Share a few words of wisdom: why not smile?

12. Now say goodbye: departure

i am such a slacker

remember when my guy was this tiny? i do. it was the cutest.

i ought to have done so many things this weekend. i ought to have written a paper for mike. i ought to have worked on my next presentation for arthur. i ought to have caught up on my reading. instead, i've snuggled with these puppy-types. i did do some laundry. but not even all of my laundry. sigh. i'm getting burnt out on school. especially on teaching. four semesters of teaching have worn me down. i don't think i'm really cut out for it. (don't even ask why i'm working towards being a professor.)

on the flip side, i am really excited to be heading out of town on tuesday. i'll be traveling around (alone) for a week. i think i need the break. and it'll be a lot of fun. i even get to go to a warm place! yay! i look forward to packing a pair of flipflops.

peanut got sick today. she's one sad little pup. i feel so bad. there's not much i can really do for her though. hugs and water seem about all i can provide. but every now and again she looks up at me with this sad face.... poor little girl.

puppies!

so this weekend i'm puppy-sitting for cheryl. right now, there are two chihuahuas running around the apartment like little insane things. sometimes they let out a battle cry and wrestle. if you're wondering what the battle cry of a chihuahua is like, it starts out as a little snort and then moves to a high pitched squeal. hilarious.

so aside from the puppies, not much is going on. i have tons of work to do this weekend that i am, predictably, having trouble doing. the goal for tonight is to write an exam for my kids. they take it on thursday. at least this time i won't be there to watch. so they can't bug me with all their dumb questions. (have fun john)

tuesday afternoon i leave for chicago and begin my whirlwind tour of grad schools. i'll start at UIC, move to NWern, and then to UT. ND i think, is basically completely out of the picture by now. they rejected the dude, and i think that now, if anything, i am on the waitlist for the waitlist - which i think translates into 'patty is just waiting until she can send me my rejection letter, too.' its too bad, i think it could've been fun. me and sayre have always got on well, and we all know my obsesion with ND. but, i think chicago or austin could be really cool... and more like a real adventure. k-zoo has only been an excursion, not an adventure. the town's too small and too much like places i've lived before and too close to ND to make this time a real adventure.

i'm hungry. i've already had two dinners. but i'm still hungry. i need to find a snack now. and put on lotion. my hands arent doing so well. stupid cold.

tag!

ok, so southie tagged me, and i cannot ignore the rules of the blogosphere. so, here goes...

The rules:
List seven songs you’re into right now. No matter the genre, whether [or not] they have words, or even if they’re any good, they must be songs you’re really enjoying right now. Post these instructions in your blog along with your seven songs, then tag seven other people to see what they’re listening to.

The List:

R.E.M - The Outsiders
Cake - Commissioning a Symphony in C
Norah Jones - Lonestar
Gustav Holst - Jupiter (from the Planets)
Cake - Shadow Stabbing
Eiffel 65 - I'm Blue (the dabadee song)
The Caesars - Jerk it Out

The Tag:

I don't think i have seven blog friends to tag... but i do think paul and erin should do this, if for no other reason than that both of them seriously need to update.

bored....

baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

i got nothing. absolutely nothing. everyone's gone tonight. so i'm sitting here alone. with the cats.

yep. just me and the cats. yay.

blah.

and i slept in today so i'm too awake to go to bed.

i'm hungry, too. but there's no food in the place, and i don't want to go to the store right now.

i guess it's just one of those nights.

cosmo!

did any else have trouble seeing my blog in safari earlier today? or was that just me?

i know, i haven't blogged in about a million years. oops. i meant to while i was home (MO home) this weekend, but it never quite worked out. and now i'm home in k-zoo and i just got back from the bar where i had three cosmos, so let's see how many typos i don't catch.

so, i went to MO on friday. friday was nice. as was saturday. i spent some quality time walking outside with my doggy in the warm, thinking about how much i missed my farm. and how weirdly accustomed to city life i am now. its so strange for me to think that living in a suburb (which is what k-zoo essentially is) is now almost my standard. i don't think i like that change. i think it might help me adjust to chicago or austin... but i think i've lost something. i miss being out in the country, where things are quiet and i know all my neighbors and i can leave things unlocked (though i guess i can do that here too). point is, its different there. the pace of life is different. the focus of life is different. the air smells better. and there are cows. and let's face it, cows are cool (but not too eat!).

unfortunately, today (sunday) was not good at all. this morning mom and erika decided that right before i left home was a good time to gang up on me and be as mean as possible (about grad school next year, about paul, about not being married, about not having babies, basically anything and everything they could think of). it was horrible. i had the biggest knots in my stomach and i just wanted to cry. i held myself together though... i didn't want to get upset and make a scene and let them know they had gotten to me. so i just sat quietly, tried to reason with them. and when that failed, i washed my face and put on eyemakeup. it was the only thing to do. and then, to top it all off, mom needed a ride to walmart, so the last 15 minutes of my home experience were comprised of an exceedingly awkward drive to eureka. ugh.

and then roughly 7.5 hours driving home. joy.

but then john and darci convinced me to go to the bar. and i had three cosmos. and woah. i think i'm really starting to feel them. woah. i mean, i was silly before... but now i feel strange. it might be time for sleep.

grits!

today is the sunday of my spring break. which means school starts again tomorrow. =(

i am sitting in paul's room now. not doing much. just sitting. trying to find some motivation to get out of bed and be productive. amazingly enough, the pile of grading sitting next to the bed just isn't doing it for me. but school starts tomorrow, and i have a paper due on wednesday that needs writing. so i should get up. i'll prolly just sit here and watch siflnolly or some other movie.

if you haven't noticed the new thing on the side bar... i put up all my responses/non-responses from grad schools there. so now you can keep track of them with me! and tell me where to go when the time comes! yay!

so on thursday, delaney took me out for a drink. it was great. i had two glasses of wine and was quite tipsy. but, i countered the tipsyness by trying to act really serious. in the end (so paul tells me) i just came out acting normal. but once we left delaney and i was free to be as ridiculous as possible, i may have been hopping around like an idiot. i also found i had very little control over how fast my feet would walk. paul had to grab onto my arm to slow me down. it was the only way.

i cleaned paul's room the other day. i should have done before and after shots so you could understand just how momentous a task this was... but for those of you that know paul (and knew his rooms in keough), you understand.

ok, now its time to go and wait for my grits. and yes, i love grits. they're quite yummy. and waaaaay better than oatmeal or cream of wheat. =)

static in my attic

the air is so dry in here that everytime i touch soren he shocks me. he doesn't seem to mind, though. poor kitty is a bit attention starved since i've left him alone these past couple of days. well, alone with the other cats.

the olympics effectively ended today. there's one more cross country race tomorrow, that i may or may not get to watch, but other than that, it's over. i feel weird. what will i do now? will i have to start doing actual work? how will i manage to slack off? these are important questions. questions that probably have uninteresting answers. but, i'm sure once find the answers i'll write them all down so you can read them.

this next week or so i should hear from the rest (or at least some) of my schools. it's a nervous sort of time. everyone is waiting. dude is waiting, paul is waiting, i am waiting. it sucks. and i can't decide until i know what's happening to them. not like i have anything to decide now anyways. right now, my only option is chicago. and while the adventurous side of me thinks that moving to chicago would rock (seattle would be even cooler) the realistic side of me (yes, it exists) knows that i would hate any big city if i had to be there for long. being surrounded by that many people, and using public transport all the time, and being scared all the time (yes, cities frighten me). it wouldn't be good. but, adventurous danielle really does want to pack up and move to seattle. the thought of it is so exciting!

murphy is trying to get his paws under my door. he wants to get to soren. but, i set up a murphy blockade so he can't reach. and he's too dumb to figure out that he could prolly push the blockade if he really tried. i will never live with three cats again. i don't think soren and i will even get another cat once we move. we'll prolly get a dog. that would be nice. once soren and i train it up to be cool.

addiction

well, my olympic addiction continues. i'm not really sure what i'll do once the games are over. i'm starting to get worried. i guess i'll have to go back to that life where i actually do some of my homework and prepare for my lectures. weird. luckily, i'll have 'spring' break to recuperate.

today was a rough class day, both for the class i teach and the class i take. my kids have trouble grasping (what i think are) the simplest concepts. i explain them over and over and over again, in a thousand different ways, but always to no avail. it really makes me wonder if i'm cut out for this teaching thing. i keep hoping that its just the kids, and that with better kids i'll despise it less. we can hope so. all i know is that, right now, i am so unbelievable glad that i get to go back to being a TA next year. to not have to actually teach a class will be a joy. in the class i take (mike's class) things are going sour quickly. i know there are a few out there that actually enjoy the class, but i am finding it more and more tiresome every day. today was especially hard. the uninformed (icky undergrads and belligerent nasty sortof gradstudents) were out in full force today. i'll spare you the full details, but it was enough to almost make me leave class. the last half hour was so painful and so hard to sit through. the only thing that kept me in there was my respect for mike. with (some) other profs i might not have a problem leaving, but with mike i think it would cross a line. and he's so nice as his. i wouldn't want to hurt his feelings.

other than that, i don't know that i really have any bloggable stories. lots of random little things have happened, but nothing really noteworthy. oh! paul and i did succcessfully make aloo gobi (indian food) the other night! it was super exciting, as it was the first indian food i've ever made that actually came out tasting like it ought too.

all right, i'm tired now. night night.

'lympics

today was the last day of the schopenhauer reading group (a.k.a. the i'm-only-in-this-cuz-i'm-friends-with-dave reading group). can't say i'm sorry... i haven't been doing the reading lately. schopenhauer's fun to read in tiny doses, but after a while i get tired of all the name-calling. seriously. name-calling.

the wind continues today. but now its horribly cold. so, instead of making me restless, its making me want to hibernate. just what i need in the middle of winter.... another reason to hibernate.

tomorrow, i have to wake up at 6 in the morning. i'm driving to lansing (with dave and darci) to go to some value theory conference at state. i'm beginning to wonder why i agreed to this. it sounded like a good idea when dave asked me a couple weeks ago if i wanted to go. but now... that 6 a.m. wake up is sounding pretty shady.

tonight was the start of ice-danicing. quite possibly my least favorite olympic sport. i just can't get into it. curling is better than ice-dancing. but, there will be better things to come these next few days. i think bobsled starts next week. that ought to be cool.

i really ought to sleep. i think ima go find soren and lock him in here with me. i could use the cuddles.

windy

its a windy day. and earlier it was warm, too. so, naturaally, i've been a bit restless today. i just want to run around outside and jump in circles and do all manner of silly things. too bad its gotten dreadfully cold these past few hours.

now, as most of you have noticed, my blogging pace has slackened considerably as of late. this is actually not due to blogging laziness on my part, but rather an intense (some might call it insane) devotion to the olympics. basiclaly, any time i can be watching the olympics, i am watching the olympics. like right now, even though i just spent four hours over at johnny-dee's watching the olympics, i've got my tv back on nbc and i'lll prolly fall asleep watching it all again. and in the morning, when i run, i'll be watching olympic hockey. i think i'm lucky the olympics come on so infrequently. if they came on more often, i'd be done for. i'd never get anything done, at all. oh! there's gonna be some stuff on tonight that wasn't on earlier. and some of it is speedskating. i love speedskating. i want to be a speedskater.

don't worry, my posts will become more frequent (and perhaps more sane) once the olympics are over. of course, that means we've still got another week to go!

and, i got into uic today. =)

ok, time to sleep. i actually have to wake up tomorrow =( i like that i'm working out these days, but i hate that it means that i have to wake up early. sadly, i know that if tried to switch to evenings i would just stop. oh well. i get to fall asleep to speedskating and a windy outside. sounds nice.

adjectives

in an effort to procrastinate... i came across this. pick some words for me.

we can watch how my 'score' changes here.

and now, back to my paper. sort of.

blue are my thoughts

1.5 miles yesterday and today!!! (and no, not every post is going to be about working out... but right now it's just so new and exciting!) it was hard to wake up this morning. i had to actually argue with myself (outloud) before i got up and went down to the treadmill. it went something like this:

[alarm goes off, i look out the window]
sleepy-me: you can't go outside. it's dark outside.
me: but we have to work out!
sleepy-me: no we don't. it's dark outside. and it snowed!
me: no, we have to work out. we have to!

it went on like this for a while, but eventually i won out over myself. and to workout i went. tomorrow, i'm sleeping in, so hopefully we won't have to go through this kind of situation again.

the rest of my day was painfully uneventful. i spent the majority of it on the futon. i'm waiting for the running to start giving me energy... right now it just makes me tired. so tired...

i did do laundry tonight. and even folded it. and dave called a while ago and we went to ihop. so, at least i left the apartment tonight and didn't spend the whole evening thinking about how bored i was.

now, i'm trying to lure soren over here to cuddle, and then i can sleep.

two more days...

this morning, i ran. on purpose. for a bit over a mile. i almost didn't, but then i told myself that i was going to spend $45 on new running shoes i better run in them. otherwise, i would have to return them and buy food instead. so, i ran. and i plan on doing it again tomorrow morning too.

today was a fairly uneventful day. actually, it was an odd day at school. almost everyone (myself included) seemed either angry, bitter, or severely frustrated. the semester is starting to take its toll on us, which is sad, since this is our last semester here. after a while, i got a headache and just really really didn't want to be there. luckily, my wednesday's aren't horribly long.

the olympics start on friday. i am ridiculously excited.

one interesting thing that i discovered today - my banned list (of movies, tv programs, and other things that i will not watch) apparently goes back much further than i thought it did. i was talking with darci today, and i was telling her a story about how when i was in the first grade my teacher gave us an assignment to write a story about our favourite tv show. at the time, mine was alf. but i remember a lot of kids saying that their favourite show was rosanne. now, even back then, i hated rosanne and always refused to watch it. i don't think my mom would have let me had i tried, but the relevant point here is that i had (at the age of 6) tv shows that i thought i oughtn't to watch and wouldn't let myself watch. (the simpsons, i think, was the next on the list. i have since taken it off the banned list, but its still not high on the 'want to watch' list.) and here i had been thinking that the banned list was a semi-recent phenomenon.

old (or bad) habits die hard...

sitting here being wakeful for no good reason, again. and once again i'm tired. i really ought to stop doing this. but, provided i can find enough to distract me, i'll be up for another hour or so at least. of course. will i do anything useful with my time? like read for class tomorrow? no. that would be silly.

i bought shoes today. another bad habit. paul thinks i should return one pair and buy food instead. but why eat when you can have happy feet? at least one pair is justifiable. i need new tennis shoes so i can start actually exercising. yes. exercising. dani. the two words can be in the same sentence. i just won't put them there. but, i am thinking about running. i even did run on saturday. and did yoga on sunday. yesterday i was super sore. and today was the day of shoe buying. so, things have to start back up tomorrow. if i can wake up early enough, i'll do yoga. and then later i can get the code for the workout room here... at the same time that i tell our apt. people that our dishwasher is falling out of its place.

my room's getting messy again. my closets are sitting right in front of me, but i still put all my clothes on my chair. and so, pants everywhere!

so, this morning i gave my students back their first tests. it was horrible. they did horribly (averages for the two classes were around 70) and so when i gave the test back, they almost revolted. the first class was worse the second... i've got a couple of girls in the class that are particularly fractious.... i seriously thought they were going to mutiny. i dunno... i wouldn't be surprised if on by thursday they have decided to take up arms against me. i can see it now - i come into class, and there they all are, swords and pistols drawn. 'tis a scary thought. it's going to take all my bat-girl prowess to stop them. let's pray that i can.

being wakeful

sitting here. staying awake. even though i have no reason to. i am tired. got up at 8 this morning so i could get to the coffee shop to do greek (at which i rocked, for the most part, with a little help). lost one of my earrings. found my earring. sat through the worst brown bag in the history of the world. ever. returned a sweater that i love dearly (but i love food more). moved some furniture, ate some icecream, played some cards. and now i'm back home. and i'm tired. but, i just don't want to sleep. after all, it's still before midnight. and i can't go to sleep before midnight, now can i? but i just started paying bills so i could have a reason to stay up longer, and i think when that happens it's time to admit that you're tired and go to sleep. so... i think i'll put in a movie. and get a drink of water. and see if soren wants to come in. the past couple of nights he's been knocking on my door to come in and sleep with me. i like that. he's a nice kitty. ok, water. good night.

waiting for spring

i've gotten bad about blogging. i always do.

right now, i'm watching stargate. i think this is my fourth episode of the day. but i'm sure there will be more. how could i only watch four episodes? anyway, season five is very exciting. unfortunately (i think) i've started watching a lot of tv this semester. product of having too much time on my hands, i suppose. so far, the list includes 24, scrubs, and american idol. i wouldn't be surprised if more get added. i've also (since moving my desktop back home) started playing computer games a bunch. point of this story - i am seriously wasting my life away.

in a little bit, it will be february, which means that i'll be hearing back from gradschools within the month (most likely). scary thought.

ok yeah, i really got nothing. i skipped gcf tonight. wanted to watch scrubs, but that was interrupted by the state of the union. as if anyone wants to listen to it. but really, even without scrubs, i doubt i'd go back to gcf. it's felt weird lately. everything's felt weird lately.

i should go to bed soon. arthur's class tomorrow. and i still gotta finish reading. hopefully, it'll be better than mike's class was today. i'm really disappointed in that class. although, since it is practical ethics, i don't know what i expected. i keep having to remind myself that i'm only taking it cuz i like mike.

soren is letting me hold his paw. sometimes he likes to hold hands. its cute.

trivia

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Dani!

1. The pigment Indian Yellow was manufactured from the urine of cows fed only on dani. no wonder i can't eat cows... they eat me!
2. Dani is the world's tallest woman! i have always felt freakishly tall...
3. Forty percent of the world's almonds and twenty percent of the world's peanuts are used in the manufacture of dani. that's a lot nuts!
4. The most dangerous form of dani is the bicycle! i haven't been able to take this form in ages though... not since the demise of russell
5. Dani is the only bird that can swim but not fly. sad but true. but i do so want to fly.
6. Dani was declared extinct in 1902. only to return in glory in the wondrous year of 1982. i'm like a phoenix!
7. Dani is actually a vegetable, not a fruit! yes!
8. Dani has little need for water and is capable of going for months without drinking at all. this would explain why i always want such small beverage glasses...
9. Dani can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast. can is the operative word...
10. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is dani! kinda sad... but so many people just can't handle me.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

why not smile?

i'm sitting in my office now. i teach at 11, so i'm just waiting. outside it's all snowy and pretty. (i drove to school in the snow!!) i find i don't mind the snow nearly as much now that i don't have to fear it. and not having to scrape snow off of my car helps a bunch too.

i haven't had much to blog about lately. i'm been rather stressed actually. i'm having all sorts of problems getting my stipend check, and while i ought to have enough to live on for the rest of the semester, not having the stipend does make things tight. oh well, i've vented enough about this to various peoples already. i'm sure you don't want to read about it again.

i just gave myself a paper cut. ouch! i watched 24 last night. i promised myself for so long that i wouldn't get into it, and here i've watched two weeks in a row. i don't know whats coming over me. last night was rather suspenseful though. at one point, i screamed.

i guess i should go think about teaching now. unless i can think of a million examples, today will be a short class. i doubt the kids will mind.

template

ok, so i've changed templates. much as i loved the dots, i got tired of the color scheme on the old one. so, until i can find (or make) something new and exciting, we're just gonna have to deal with this stark, white one. any suggestions?

survey time!!!

oh, i heart surveys. =)

4 jobs i've had (time at job)
Graduate Assistant (Instructor/TA) - 1.5 years; tutor - 1.5 years, citimortgage office bitch - 2 summers, 3 months each; huddle cashier - 6 months

4 movies i'd watch over and over
pride&prejudice, batman begins, what about bob, when harry met sally

4 places i have lived (time at locale)
Kalamazoo, MI - 1.5 years; South Bend, IN - 4 years; St. Louis, MO - 13 years; Jakarta, Indonesia - 5 years

4 tv shows i love
Stargate SG-1, Dawson's Creek, Sex and the City, Seinfeld

4 places i've been on vacation
(this is kinda embarrassing... i've been to more places than this... but i haven't been on a vacation in about a half-million years. sad but true.)
Canada, Bali, DC, home

4 favorite foods
Indian, Thai, cheese, breakfast

4 places i'd rather be right now
Bali, Italy, Greece, Notre Dame

4 websites i visit daily
CNN news, weather.gov, ebay, IMDB

4 bloggers who are now tagged!
(i don't really like doing this to y'all, but a survey has its rules...)
The Captain; erin; paul-guy; johnny-dee

movie

last night, my roommate and i made the mistake of renting and then watching 'the 40 year old virgin.' i had heard it was funny (from fairly reliable sources), and while i didn't expect to be bowled over, i did at least expect to be entertained. instead, i found myself willingly turning away from the movie and to my plato book. i found reading the apology much more entertaining than the movie, and as much as i love plato, i can't honestly say that the apology beats all movies. when it was all said and done, i had to retreat to my room and watch an episode of p&p so i could recover. well anyway, seeing this movie has started me thinking. i can't remember the last time i saw (or wanted to see) a comedy in the theaters that didn't revolve around sex/toilet humor. seriously. if i want to laugh and not be mildly (or majorly) disturbed in the process, i have to get out my own copy of ghostbusters. current movies are just too crass. so, i'm left wondering if the majority of people today are even capable of laughing at anything that isn't crude. or is that just asking too much?

driving down the road alone

i have a lot of thoughts going through my head now. some of them can't be written down, for various reasons. but i think a good way to encapsulate them is with the simple phrase: i don't want to grow up. i know, it sounds trite. but i have my reasons. i miss having all of my friends live within a 10 minute walk. i miss campus itself. more than that, i miss the time when the most important and productive use of my time was spent in long conversations that lasted until the wee hours of the morning. not only were such conversations standard, they were essential. when it got windy and i started to feel restless it was perfectly acceptable for me to run around campus, or do laps around the concrete ring around the jesus statue on godquad. i didn't have to be afraid of being alone at night. the weeping tree or the other side of the lake was a standard refuge. i had a refuge. the decisions i made were not ones that were going to affect my entire life. life was still completely open. relationships were still unformed and fluid. friends could be (and for me, were) so much more important than my work. i understood my role in my friends lives, and i think they understood theirs in mine. i didn't have to worry, yet, about them being taken away from me. by distance, by others, by anything. i could still make all those stupid freshman mistakes and, more importantly, have time to fix them.

now, so i don't sound completely negative, starting to enter the grownup world isn't all bad. after all, i do have a cat now. and a fireplace in my apartment. and some very exciting intellectual work that i get to do. but i am afraid of losing (or being made to lose) the personal focus that currently motivates so many of my actions. i am afraid that my friends will be taken away from me. even worse, i am afraid that they will not miss me when they're gone.

i will miss them terribly.

food coma...

just got home from indian food. am fighting a food coma that is fast threatening to overwhelm me. must stay awake. i still need to read for the schopenhauer group tomorrow. and i prolly ought to go over my greek too. but i just want to sleep....

sigh. i should know better than to eat indian food when i've got things to do. oh well. it was yummy enough (as always) to be well worth the procrastination.

so, now i'm sitting in the chair trying to ignore the fact that e.r. is on the tv next to me. most times, ok all the times, i get too grossed out to be able to watch it. i'm a much bigger fan of scrubs. much less grossness in that one. sadly, i really don't think i have anything to say tonight. i'm trying hard to get back in the habit of blogging, but almost nothing has happened this week and i have no stories to tell. i've been going to school, but aside from school stuff and seeing people at school, i've done nothing. just been sitting around.

one semi-funny story. when i got to the indian place, amanda was already there so i just walked up to the table and sat down. i'm there for a couple seconds and a waitress comes up and says "what would you like to drink, danielle?" to which i replied "how do you know my name?!" apparently, she's one of my students in my critical reasoning class. smalll world. or town.

soren has come back to snuggle me. he is the best little man. he may not always be outwardly affectionate, but i don't think even a dog could beat him on faithfulness. any time i need him, he always comes to sit with me and give me hugs. at least now i know i won't get lonely in k-zoo anymore.

home sweet home

after a lengthy absence, i am finally back! strangely enough, it's nice to be back in k-zoo - my own place, my own futon, my own insane kitty. the past couple of day have been good. i got back on monday, spent the whole day running errands and showing off my car, and picked up soren. when i first held him he spent at least 20 seconds intensely sniffing my nose, but then he basically ignored me until last night when he finally decided to purr and lie down on my face, so, i think we're friends again. =)

classes started yesterday. my (teaching) classes were incredibly short. i gave them their syllabus, had them introduce themselves, and we were gone. twenty minutes for each class. hopefully the change of subject (i teach critical reasoning now instead of practical ethics) will help me dislike teaching less. let us all hope so. you don't want to see all my posts become angry and bitter, now do you?

anyway, now that i am home from break, i have to tell you the story i promised. so, here's my saab story. =)

the time: a couple days before new year's.
the setting: somewhere on manchester road.

my mom and i had left the house to mail off the last of joey's grad apps. on our way out she asked me if i wanted to go and look at cars. i replied 'sure,' all the while not believing that anything would come of it (cf my resignation of a few posts ago). as we drove down manchester road, i thought my resignation well founded. mom insisted on cruising through the used car lots, but refused to actually leave the confines of her car to look at a single vehicle. so i was stuck with the lovely task of occasionally jumping out of the volvo to look at window stickers. sounds thrilling, right?

well anyway, mom decides that even though she has decided we ought to be economical we're gonna go to the volvo dealership, so off we go. as we pull up, salesguy tom comes running out, says he has a car that is just perfect for me, and runs off to find it. a long wait later he pulls up in this:


after only 3 seconds in the car, i was in love. of course. and despite my frequent attempts to throw the keys on table and walk away, i ended up leaving that place so worked up and flustered that i couldn't even drive home. the rest of the night was spent asking joey if the whole thing had been real. he kept assuring me that it was, but i think he got kinda tired of it after a while...

anyway, two days later we went and picked up my newest mode of transportation (and let me tell you, this little one is a serious upgrade from bessie). just look at how happy i was (and what a silly face joey was making):



and now, nothing remains but to name it. this is where y'all come in. there are two names on the table. 1) Argos - a Greek name. also the name of Odysseus's dog in the Odyssey. he is the epitome of doggy faithfulness. and, in keeping with the car's (somewhat) swedish heritage 2) Freya (if its a girl) or Freyr (if its a boy). Freya is a norse goddess of fertility, love, war, and a few other things. Freyr is her brother, and is a god of fertility.

anyway, so far i've got a couple of votes on each side. so cast your vote soon. i can't really handle driving a car without a name.

hiatus

i do have a story that needs telling right now, but unfortunately i require pictures in order to properly tell this story. since i am living with the slowest internet connection ever, this is a bit of a problem. so, don't expect any (real) posts from me until i get back to k-zoo and my wonderful world of stolen internet (prolly sunday or monday). for now, i just want to let you know that i do have a beautiful story to tell, and that it will be brought to you by the letter "s."

until next time.